Daily Life

Cancer might make it feel like your household has been turned upside down. As roles and responsibilities change, you might want to develop a clear plan for yourself. Let everyone know what things you would like to continue to try to do on your own, but then do not be afraid to let others help. Accepting help is not a sign of weakness. If your family members cannot take care of all your needs, you might consider looking into hiring outside help. Make sure everyone in your family—you included—take time to have a little fun, rest and do something "normal" that does not revolve around cancer.

Money

The additional expense of cancer treatments can greatly alter how much money your family has to spend or to save. Depending on what your health insurance covers, you might have to pay "out of pocket" or cover some of the costs with your own money. If you are not able to work during your cancer treatment, another family member might have to get a job to help pay for expenses. Because the bills for cancer treatments can be confusing and complex, you and your family might want to sit down and carefully investigate what your insurance company will pay for and what you will have to cover.

Spouses and Partners

Cancer can be just as scary for your spouse or partner as it is for you. If you normally play the role of caregiver, it might be hard for you to be the one being taken care of instead. Sharing information and making decisions about treatment together will be important. Talk to your doctor together and learn about symptoms, treatment options, and possible side effects. If your spouse or partner goes with you to the doctor, he or she can ask questions and better know how to help take care of you both emotionally and physically. Just because you have cancer, does not mean that you have to spend every hour of every day with one another. Take time for yourself and encourage your spouse or partner to take time to enjoy hobbies or just get out of the house—even if it is to do errands or take a walk.

Children

Children even as young as eighteen months understand what is going on around them. Explain to your children that you are sick and that your doctors will be working hard to make you feel better. Although it might be hard to tell your children the truth, it is better to be honest with them and help prevent their imaginations from coming up something far worse than reality. Answer your children's questions with simple answers they will understand. Try to use vocabulary they already know. For example, say "medicine" instead of "chemotherapy, or "doctor" instead of "oncologist." There are many illustrated children's books about cancer that might be a good way to help you explain your situation to your child. Don't forget to inform other adults in your children's lives—like their teachers at school or sports coaches—about your cancer. These other adults might be able to listen, talk about feelings or answer questions for your child.

It's normal for children to react to the news of cancer in a variety of ways. Some children might feel angry when they are asked to do more to help you around the house. Other children might act out and get in trouble at school. Feeling scared, guilty, or lonely or even regressing and behaving much younger than his/her age could all be ways that a child reacts to cancer.

Teenagers

Teenagers are already dealing with changes in hormones and a growing desire for independence. Dealing with a parent who has cancer might make them act out, get into trouble at school, or even become depressed. Encourage your teen to stay involved at school, church, in the community and spend time with friends.

Adult Children

Even if you have grown children, they will still be affected by your cancer diagnosis. Although it might make them upset, worried, or frustrated, take time to talk with them about your treatment plan, financial plan and what you would like to happen if you are not able to beat the disease. It will probably be very difficult for you and your family to think about losing the battle with cancer, but communicating your requests and talking through your options can lessen anxiety. If you live close enough to your adult children, you might ask them to help with chores around the house, drive you to treatments, help you make decisions and assist in paying health bills in a timely manner. You might ask your adult children to help explain some of the information the doctor tells you or even go to doctor's appointments with you. Don't be afraid to let your children help take care of you—even if it seems awkward at first for traditional roles to be reversed.

Friends

Just because you have cancer, does not mean that you have spend any less time with your friends. On the contrary, friends are a great support system and can lend a helping hand. Just like family members, your friends might be upset, afraid and confused about what to say or how to treat you after they find out you have cancer. Reassure them that you are the same old "you." Let your friends help do things for you—it will not only help relieve stress for you, but it might help your friends cope with your diagnosis and make them feel like they are making a positive difference in your life. You might ask a friend to cook meals that you can freeze ahead of time for days when you are not feeling well, pick up and drive your children to and from school/activities or take your dog for a walk. If you like company during treatments, you might ask a friend to go and sit with you. Some friends might even want to help clean your house, water your flowers or mow your yard.

Tips Supporting a Loved One with Cancer

• Just ask. If you aren't sure how your loved one want to deal with his/her cancer, just ask. Don't assume they can't handle an open, honest discussion. While your loved one may want to be treated as normally as possible, they may still want to keep things simple. Communicating with your loved one can help everyone feel better.
• Include your loved one. Your loved one likely wants to feel as independent and in control as possible. Allow your loved one to decide what they can and will do. Avoid making decisions without them. Instead, work together with your loved one to make decisions and everyone will feel more comfortable.
• Be a good listener. Don't try to tell your loved one what to think, feel, or how to act. Sometimes just being there to listen, without judgment, is the best thing you can do. They might not want to talk at all, and would rather sit quietly instead. They might even feel like crying—and letting your emotions out can be a very good thing. Remember, you don't always have to find solutions or fix everything. Just follow your loved one's cues and acknowledge their feelings.
• Accept your loved one's bad days. Even as you try to be hopeful and cheerful, your loved one may feel different inside. That is okay. Your loved one can't be expected to be upbeat and positive at all times. And, putting these demands on them will only cause more frustration, guilt and stress. Give your loved one space if they need it and try not to take things too personally.
• Communicate sensitively. Avoid saying things like: "I know how you feel," "Stay positive," or "Don't worry, you'll be fine." Instead, you can say things that help like: "You are not alone in this, I'm here for you," or "I love you and we will get through this together."
• Be aware of side effects.Your loved one may be dealing with side effects from cancer treatment, such as weight loss, hair loss, nausea, and fatigue. They may be worried about how others will react to seeing them. Aside from feeling self-conscious, they may worry about having the strength and energy to get through the day. Ask your loved one what you can do to make them feel better and more confident.
• Remind your loved one that you care. Your loved one may need extra reassurance that they are still needed and loved. Find gifts that reflect who they are apart from cancer (e.g., books, art, music, or tickets to the museum, theater, sporting events, etc). Also, human touch goes a long way. Give them a hug or pat on the back. Show your loved one that you still see them as a person, not as a cancer patient.

The diagnosis and treatment of cancer is scary, but drawing near to those whom you love can help to ease your fear. Your family can provide an incredible network of support in many ways, big and small, as you battle this disease together.

I hope this information has helped you in some way. I will check in with you again next month. In the meantime, stay strong and hopeful.